A young Ugandan woman posted a tongue-in-cheek video on X saying that she has been looking for men in their 40s and 50s. She goes on to say she is having difficulty finding them. Her friends, she says, have been asking her for those men and that they want them badly.

She could have been joking. But the video brings home the reality many are familiar with: Young women in Kampala and other Ugandan cities who are on the look out for middle-aged men because they assume they are doing well financially and can provide financial security in a relationship.

There is nothing wrong with a woman in her 20s dating a man in his 40s or 50s if she really loves him. But if the woman is attracted to the man because of the financial security she thinks he can provide, if the woman is thinking the man will buy expensive gifts and suchlike, what happens when he is no longer in a position to provide material things?

Some will say that she moves on and looks for financially strong men. That is OK. But if you are that kind of woman, you run the risk of being viewed in the same light as women society accuses of commercialising relationships.

Ideally, the big-difference-in-age relationship should proceed when the couple has at least a modicum of romantic interest for each other. The financial ballast should be a bonus, not a prerequisite.

Yet for many younger women, that ballast seems to be the be-all and end-all. And it is not without problems. If you have zero romantic interest in an old man but you are drawn to him because of his financial stamina, there is a good chance that if you become a mother of his child or children, the children will have a father that looks like a grandfather. And because there was no real romantic interest in the first place, walking with a man in public that society thinks is your father may be very difficult.

Some men who watched the video got excited and probably did not think about the tongue-in-cheek bit of it. But if you are a man in the market for a woman, do you really want a woman who loves your wallet while pretending she loves you, or a woman who loves you but found you financially stable?

A weekly column about women and men. Views and commentary on everything from love, marriage, sex, money, desire, betrayal and power to all the glorious mess in between. No sides. No sacred cows. Just The Third Chair: unnamed, unaligned and sitting close enough to hear both sides.