Platonic friendships, or sexless relationships, are common. But they do not always stay platonic. While some people have managed to maintain them for a long time, others have failed, and they have the friendships to blame, for example, for failed marriages.

What happens when your friend is someone you could sleep with? How do you handle this?

For individuals who are not married, this does not normally pose any problem. I mean, if you are single and you have a good friend you think is spouse material, what should stop you from turning a platonic friendship into something romantic?

The problem with platonic relationships arises when people are married. Picture this: Ritah is married and her closest friend at the office, Patrick, is also married. They go to the staff canteen together for coffee, lunch and breakfast. They talk about just everything under the sun. The conversations are enjoyable, and they end when both parties still want to carry on.

At first, they may want to keep the relationship strictly platonic and will hope they succeed. But nature can be very hard to resist when it beckons. Ritah may start to see things in Patrick that her husband lacks, making him more attractive than he was at the beginning. Empathy—or care or chivalry—could be one of the things enhancing his attractiveness.

Ritah may start to see Patrick as more caring. If her husband is not caring and has other serious weaknesses, the platonic friendship starts to face existential threats. If Patrick firmly signals that he cannot turn the relationship into anything romantic, that can help keep it platonic.

But that is easier said than done. Patrick may draw the line at romance yet find Ritah a very difficult woman to resist romantically. Also, people know their strong cards really well, and they can be used effectively to achieve what they want. Patrick may shun or ignore anything that is meant to make him take the relationship to another level while his mind remains occupied with Ritah more than with his wife.

Platonic friendship, it would seem, is easier to maintain when there is no sexual chemistry between two friends, when what they care deeply about in the relationship is asexual.

But for two people who have things they really like about each other, and who are drawn to each other sexually, remaining platonic may be a struggle.

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